How did Carlos kaiser have a two-decade soccer career with a dozen pro teams and never play a match? That's a damn good question.
As I settled in to watch the first two World Cup matches I cared about—the US throttling Paraguay 4-1; and the stunning 0-0 draw Cape Verde pulled off against global powerhouse Spain making it what The New York Times called “one of the biggest shocks in World Cup history”—my mind wandered back to Carlos Kaiser, protagonist in the single biggest con in soccer, née fútbol, history, perhaps in all of sports…ever. Even his name is fake.
Kaiser, born Carlos Henrique Raposo in Brazil, impossibly managed to get signed to 12(!) professional soccer teams over two decades(!) and never actually play in a single game—he came closest when he manufactured receiving a red card while warming up. By constantly faking non-existent injuries and other jaw-dropping ruses, Kaiser hid his lack of skill at all times from everyone. Of course this was the era before social media (he used a toy flip phone to hype his worth by “speaking” to his “manager” in English about the many teams inquiring about him).
All lies. Every word.
Yet, somehow, wherever he went, the devoted team fans were always with him. A favorite anecdote is how Kaiser once avoided having to perform in a fan-attended team practice when he joined French club Gazélec Ajaccio by kicking all of the balls into the stands to the fans, leaving no balls to practice with—and the crowd absolutely loved it. I mean…nuts.
Famously, Kaiser was also quite the raconteur and his charming personality got him far: He befriended star players who’d vouch for him to key management and coaches and made sure to get close to the top journalists who’d then write bogus stories about his supposed soccer abilities. No one, it seemed, was paying an ounce of attention
But how? But why?
For more of this fantastical and, frankly, preposterous story, check out the Tribeca Film Festival 2018 documentary, Kaiser: The Greatest Footballer Never To Play Football.
I still don’t get it. And I never will.
